Dark Days

The days are dark

As the night

Life is stark

With little light

When lives are left

Alone and depressed

When people ignore

Any injustice

It fosters feelings

Of low worth

That some people

Do not deserve

The same human rights

As afforded to others

Why ignore the plight

When we are all

Sisters and brothers

 

Unleashed

 

A new beginning, a fresh start
The mending of a broken heart
No more pain, no more sorrow
Let me look t’wards a brighter tomorrow
Where dreams are realized
They are not shattered
Where confidence is restored
And is not battered
Where ego exists, not as a scapegoat for pain
But for joy and only wholesome gain
Where love can be nurtured and in turn thrive
To beat the odds and to survive

With faith and perseverance practised every day
Creativity is now subliminal in the greatest of ways
An inner peace and acceptance I have found
No longer suffocated by past actions am I bound

 

 

 

 

Descent into Dementia

Published in Memory Weaving (An Anthology of Dementia Journeys), 2014, Poetica Christi Press

Dedicated to the memory of my dear grandfather Johan Frederikus Averesch, (who gave me the most beautiful unconditional love and helped me to become the person I am today)

Found roaming around one too many times

Frustrated, confused and partially blind

A decision was made you could no longer stay alone

It was time;  it was said, to move you to a ‘home’

 

There they would keep you occupied – accommodate you well

But the reality was, for you, it must have been hell

In the beginning you still held some of your sound mind

“When am I going home” you’d ask me time after time

I would relay my concerns to family, who would carefully say:

“Try not to let it bother you;  he will stop asking one day”

 

I watched this disease steal your confidence away

Progressively worsening day after day

It happened not all at once, but gradually

Painstakingly slow and obvious to see

A man who had once been filled with pride and dignity

Transformed over time to dependence and child-like simplicity

 

There wasn’t much I could do nor much I could say

It was heart-braking to look on and see you that way

I would put on a brave face whilst by your side

Though as soon as I’d leave, tears would roll from my eyes

 

Days turned into months and the months into years

It was hard not to notice when people stayed away in fear,

Again and again they would use the same excuse

“He doesn’t know who I am anymore, so what’s the use?”

 

How tragic to treat someone as if they were dead

With a body still alive, in spite of an ailing head

Though it was only a matter of time

Before the state of the body would catch up with the mind

 

Nothing could prepare for the faltering

The end of your life you were entering

Only those who’ve had the experience

Can sympathise what a relief it actually is

To know your loved one no longer has a troubled existence

Contentment at last from an uncontrollable being

Rest in Peace now takes on a whole new meaning

Where does the Pain really come From?

Most of my family

Could never understand me

“You know what she’s like”

It just wasn’t right

The truth constantly denied

Accused of lies

I learnt to speak up

Enough was enough

Ostracised by not only society

But from my very own family

They did not want to hear me

Or really have much to do with me

They have no choice but to hear me now

Though I need not their approval anyhow

For I left my family home

To face the world alone

And after 3 decades of struggle

Peace was found on my own

People need to comprehend

That sometimes an environment

That is supposed to be nurturing

Can be instead traumatising

Families need to be empowered

To understand- themselves

Where does the pain come from?

A repeated history of a living hell

 

 

 

 

 

Inter-generational Trauma

With my hands and guard down

I’ve been knocked to the ground

“Stay down or I’ll hit you again”

But I got up despite the pain

Remembering quite clearly

My mothers image flashed before me

Lying on the bathroom floor

Her body couldn’t cop any more

Blacked out and bruised

Eventually she came to

And asked what she had done

To deserve this from someone

In that moment I realised- as I realise now

That even though I’d taken a vow

To never give any person control

Over my body and my soul

My life had for a time been

Determined by my upbringing

It’s called inter-generational trauma

And the devastating effects last for much longer

Than just when you’re in a dysfunctional environment

It will torment you you’re whole life

If you can’t move on from it

 

 

 

 

R U OK?

Shine a light on someones day

Help another in any way

Listen in their time of need

Let them know that you believe

What they say-no matter how horrible

Support them to overcome their obstacles

When it’s time to leave and shut the door

Ask yourself can I do anything more?

To help them with their healing

To alleviate the pain they’re feeling

Because we all have an obligation

Not to leave anyone in isolation

So step in when you feel someone hurting

For there is nothing more reassuring

To know that somebody truly cares

Takes the time and gladly shares

We’ll work it through

I’ll do this  with you

You’re gonna to be ok

To face another day